when will i ever learn?

This is supposed to be a good day for everybody

Yet I am here alone again in my room with just the music as my companion

It seemed that time flies so slow

And the day is so gray for me

I just can’t explain why I am feeling this way

See, I am supposed to let everything go on

But why just can’t I let go?

Why is it that I am still feeling this hurt where in fact I am not supposed to be?

I can’t figure this out anymore

I know I love you so much and I feel it, but I know it’s wrong

It is wrong for the very reason that you are committed to someone already

But why just can’t I let you go away from my mind?

I am trying everything just to forget you

And I did… really. I did everything just to erase you from my mind

But wherever I go, I always see you face in everything

Why?! I am asking why I can’t take you off?!

If you just know the pain I feel inside

You will then know how sincere I am in pursuing you

I hope you feel the pain when you said that it’s better for us to be friends

It is just too painful for me for things are not supposed to happen this way

But things happen the way they will be

Not everything will be in our control right?

I know this time I should go on my own way

But why just can’t I forget you?

Since the time I wake up in the morning, I then see your face beside me

The moment I go out of my house, I always remember you in everything

I just can’t figure out why even the music sympathizes with me

And how come that even the weather mourns together with me?

I just want to express myself through this way

It is because I can’t help it anymore

My heart is bleeding and I just don’t know when it would end

But I know that the moment it will stop bleeding, I am sure that I will forget you

The mistake I committed was falling in love in a wrong way

I still love you despite the fact the your heart was taken already

I just don’t know why I am still here waiting for something

Something which I know will never come

I guess I need to move on and forget you

But I’ve been asking myself this question several times

And I just don’t know the answer

For forgetting you is synonymous with forgetting my life

You are the reason why I wanted to live

But you are also the reason why I am bleeding this time

I gave up everything in pursuing you for I thought that you would be mine

But it seemed that pursuing you again will cause my head to bang on the wall

You are already tightened up with him

That’s how I see it even though you said that you are not

Four years is not that easy to dismantle

And here I am, a new comer who just happen to drop by

Deep inside me, there is still a little hope that remains

Hoping that if I will stay a little longer, things might pay off

But the more I stay; it becomes harder for me

And the more painful it will be

I am now in a dilemma as to where to go

I want to forget you but I just can’t

I want to let you go… away from my mind but a half of me says no

Why? Can you just please tell me why?

I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream just to take this pain away from me

You are like a tattoo in me, you are indelible

Every memory of you keeps on haunting me

And I am becoming so restless

I hope and pray that I will be enlightened

Because this time, I just don’t know what to do

As you can see, I am like a gate crusher in your life

Wanting to take part in something that is already owned

I still choose to believe that there is hope for me

But things are already fading away and that is the reality

You are even trying to build walls towards me

I know you are starting to go away and that makes it more painful

Good Lord! When will I ever learn from this?

I love her but she is not mine

I want to take her but she herself opted not to and that makes it so painful for me

For despite all things, deep inside of me… I still love her so much